空気を読めるように Learning to 'read the air'

I was reading this column, Cultural Conundrums: Can you guess when to guess?, and it made me think of an incident that happened, oh, yesterday.

The column covers the idea of omoiyari, something akin to empathy, which in Japan means you guess or assert knowledge over what another person is thinking, and act according to that assumption. The column further states that this is seen in Japan as 'good' but in the US and many other places would be considered 'arrogant.'

Last week, the school nurse passed out some papers for ordering lunch for the coming sports day this Saturday. She also had some pictures of the food that was being offered. I looked at all of this, decided it was not for me. She brought it up briefly every morning in the meeting, I listened quietly and reaffirmed internally that I would bring my own lunch and save money and eat healthier.

Fast-forward to Monday. I had elementary classes all day, but stopped by the junior high to print something out from my computer for my teacher. As I was leaving, I saw the school nurse in the hall. She greeted me, and I greeted her back. Then she brought up the lunch thing. Uh-oh. I actually had this happen last year at my other school's sports day (in which I was subjected to the eating of two cold hamburgers with cheese on them) and could tell I had made an error this year as well. She told me that since I hadn't ordered anything, and she was worried I wouldn't have any food, she had ordered me a hamburger.

Augh! Frustration hit me (self-directed, at my failure to behave appropriately to avoid this misunderstanding), since the last thing I wanted was another cold hamburger. I quickly stated that I had planned to bring my own lunch, but if there was nothing that could be done about it... The nurse cut me short, praising my ability to prepare my own lunch and apologizing for ordering something for me, and then telling me not to worry about it and to bring my own lunch as I had planned.

All this said, it's just one of those situations where yet again false assumptions were made about me. I suppose sometimes I feel integrated to the point where I expect to be treated like those around me, but people ascribe much different thinking to me on account of my otherness, or their perceived barriers to communication with me. Now, honestly, I like the school nurse. And given this article, I think she only responded how culture conditioned her to. Additionally, if I had stated to her that I planned to bring my own lunch, instead of merely tossing out my order form without comment, she would have been spared the situation of making an incorrect judgement call.

I'd like to think both of us learned something from this exchange however. She may have learned to reevaluate her assumptions of foreigners in general and me in particular, and I remembered that I need to be sensitive to the cultural norms which differ in the US and Japan and respond accordingly.